How Fear and Loss Affect Children
Jodi Merrill, MA
Children in the United States are growing up in a culture where violence is glamorized in many ways. It is not uncommon for children to witness violence within their homes, whether it is between arguing parents, a television show, a sporting event, or on their neighborhood playground. Children who witness family violence never feel safe. They experience persistent stress. Powerlessness and terror are prevailing feelings, even during “stable” periods.
The reality is that children have witnessed frightening events, as a result of natural disasters or human activities, throughout history. Many recovered sufficiently and moved on to healthy development. What is different today are the combined effects of changes in the family and community, along with repeated exposure to real and fictional violent acts on the TV screens in their living rooms.
Young children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of violence. This has a direct correlation with the “acting-out” behaviors we see repeatedly in our schools, homes, and playgrounds. Much brain cell growth and expansion takes place during early childhood development. Growing up in a persistently threatening environment can interfere with the way a young child’s brain develops. This can result in a greater concentration of brain cell growth in the mid-brain at the expense of the cortex area, eventually limiting a child’s ability to problem solve effectively. The end result can be a predisposition to aggressive, impulsive behaviors and an underdeveloped capacity for empathy.
Children who demonstrate disrespectful and belligerent behaviors in school or other group settings are often doing so as a result of their arrested brain development, caused by their life experiences. These children are not usually choosing to be belligerent. Struggling just to survive in an unstable home environment can limit a child’s brain development exclusively to the “fight or flight” or hyper-arousal instinct, greatly reducing their opportunities to solve problems.
As exasperating and inappropriate as these acting-out behaviors can be, we as parents, teachers, counselors, and family, can choose to interpret such aggressiveness (where indicated) as a child’s pleading for an opportunity to feel safe, physically and emotionally. The angry, raging child may actually be a very frightened child. Traumatized children regularly demonstrate excessive vigilance and hyperactivity. These behaviors can sometimes be misdiagnosed as Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder or other childhood disorders, and the traumatic experiences of the child may be overlooked.
Another important component of trauma in children is that acting out behaviors may not surface for six to eighteen months after the frightening event or loss. This can mean the child is in a different classroom with a new teacher who may not know anything about the traumatic event that happened last year. Children who are victims/witnesses to violence, natural disasters, or who have experienced loss in the way of a move or a death of someone close to them, may struggle with severe stress from these events. This can lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. Children may experience flashbacks during the day, and sleep disturbances at night. Flashbacks can be triggered by sounds, smells, photographs, and even seasonal changes. When these frightening, very real memories come flooding back, the child experiences the terror all over again and the overwhelming feelings of helplessness return. This is a vicious cycle.
What can we, as parents do for our children to help them move beyond the fear? Healing activities such as drawing, painting, manipulating clay/play-doh, and acting out fears through the use of dolls, puppets, fantasy play, and sand play are excellent opportunities to provide children with a safe vehicle to revisit the frightening memory in a secure environment where they have access to a supportive, reassuring adult. The relief achieved can give stressed, fragile children the chance to trust and believe in a future, which is the essential foundation for healthy development and full learning capacity.
For more information on getting help for a child or healing activities, contact Jodi Merrill at the Pathways for Change office in Emmaus. 610-737-2776. Or email Jodi at JMERRILL28@AOL.COM
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